we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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