Sry I called you an 8
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
