Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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