we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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