went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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