The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
