the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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