I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
