just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
