I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
