what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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