Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
