What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
