i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
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Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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