Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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