Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
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Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
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He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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