So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
