Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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