I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
