No awkward lesbian experiences without me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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