Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
