So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
pray to the hookup gods
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
