That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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