Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
