Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
