SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
