you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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