no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
