I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
