WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
