So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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