I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
