Got a toothbrush?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
