just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
