Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
