You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
