Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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