If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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