I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
