Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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