Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This house was built for laser tag.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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