I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
