i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
