The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
