Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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