I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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