Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize