I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
