yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
