There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
