Michael Bay diarrhea
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
