so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
