overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
