you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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