Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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