i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
