ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
