The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My brain says no but my pants say off.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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