just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
