Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
