planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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