good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
