3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
