Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex