she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!