My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless