Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.