Texts From Last Night

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  (719): View more from Colorado

  physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.

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  (719): physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go. http://tfl.nu/oxgw
  Replies (2) Good night (2614) Bad night (736)
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  (718): View more from New York

  One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"

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  (718): One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk" http://tfl.nu/wyyx
  Replies (27) Good night (2066) Bad night (4143)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I really wanna talk..

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down

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  (817): I really wanna talk.. (1-817): if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down http://tfl.nu/qj3j
  Replies (82) Good night (8034) Bad night (1054)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was

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  (402): All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was http://tfl.nu/p0yn
  Replies (13) Good night (7439) Bad night (1181)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.

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  (203): There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper. http://tfl.nu/r5h8
  Replies (11) Good night (3189) Bad night (1899)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.

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  (971): I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa. http://tfl.nu/0b4p
  Replies (28) Good night (5883) Bad night (1814)
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  (760): View more from California

  explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.

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  (760): explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet. http://tfl.nu/b9gi
  Replies (9) Good night (2189) Bad night (978)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.

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  (256): I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train. http://tfl.nu/pxln
  Replies (17) Good night (2426) Bad night (1049)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  Braid them armpits, sister.

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  (817): We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered. (1-817): Braid them armpits, sister. http://tfl.nu/o7hq
  Replies (1) Good night (1451) Bad night (793)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?

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  (817): I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join? http://tfl.nu/sbfg
  Replies (11) Good night (1557) Bad night (554)
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  (916): View more from California

  I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty

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  (916): I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty http://tfl.nu/gn90
  Replies (11) Good night (473) Bad night (992)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.

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  (617): Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present. http://tfl.nu/s10t
  Replies (4) Good night (1699) Bad night (593)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.

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  (810): Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am. http://tfl.nu/2nux
  Replies (2) Good night (434) Bad night (641)
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  (841): View more from

  He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.

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  (841): He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish. http://tfl.nu/ps72
  Replies (1) Good night (316) Bad night (946)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here

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  (724): It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here http://tfl.nu/979n
  Replies (1) Good night (344) Bad night (148)

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