it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
