my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
