i just google imaged poop.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
