After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
