I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
