I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
