yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
