pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
