beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
