I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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