either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
this hospital has no fireball
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
