Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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